Divorce: Beginning of a new life

Divorce: Beginning of a new life

With the increase in human consciousness, the ability to rebel also increases. The courage to rebel against wrong traditions also increases. As the difference between the desire to maintain the tradition and the desire to change it turns into idolatry, its culmination becomes 'divorce'.

American writer and journalist Jennifer Weiner does not consider divorce to be such a tragedy. "As much as it hurts to stay in a marriage and practically teach your children lies about love, divorce is not as painful," he says.

Irish poet and playwright Oscar Wilde describes divorce as a work in heaven. According to a data published in the World Population Review, 40 to 50 million people get married every year in the United States. Out of these, 42-53 percent of the couple's relationship ends in 'divorce'.

This is what happened in the western world. But 'divorce' is not very popular in Nepali society. Just as when we hear about 'marriage' we get a reaction full of excitement and enthusiasm, we hear completely different reactions and comments on the news of divorce.

But Nepali society is also changing with time. Now in Nepal too, divorce is becoming a culture with widespread practice. Advocate and psychologist Nani Thapa Thapa says that if the court cases are placed on one side of the scale of divorce and on the other side, then the stakes are equal.

Divorce in English, leave letter and divorce in Nepali are common words in our country. According to law, a marriage certificate is considered to have been issued after a Nepali document has been signed by a married couple after agreeing to leave each other.

Why divorce?

There is a mismatch between the couple in economic, social, family and other matters, where there is more hatred than love, misunderstandings, compromises, ideological differences, there is more conflict in the relationship than reconciliation. As these misunderstandings and conflicts increase, the knot of the 'bond bound for seven births' is broken and divorce takes place.

For us, marriage is also understood as an investment. When trying to get a divorce, everyone suggests to get married as much as possible to avoid breaking up the marriage that was completed at the expense of millions. A woman's experience does not become a matter of anyone's interest. The mentality that 'women should endure' is created.

Without addressing each other's needs and desires, love, faith and trust begin to break down. Sociologist Nirmala Dhakal says that divorce becomes an alternative when the basis on which intimacy and understanding can sustain a relationship weakens.

Thapa narrates that she has been advocating that the cases of divorce are increasing due to the practice of creating a mechanical relationship in the absence of physical happiness, a lifestyle that compromises more than understanding, unequal levels of family, age inequality, different opinions, etc.

There is a growing trend of looking at caste, religion, culture, place, economic level while getting married, but not looking at equality of thought. Thapa believes that the practice of divorce rather than agreement is increasing when it is difficult to cooperate due to different thinking, culture and lifestyle. "There must be some similarity for a relationship," she says.

With the increase in human consciousness, the ability to rebel also increases. The courage to rebel against wrong traditions also increases. As the difference between the desire to maintain the tradition and the desire to change it turns into idolatry, its culmination becomes 'divorce'.

Society's attitude towards 'divorce'

The number of educated and independent women in our society is increasing. Beyond the confines of the household, they are also in regular interaction with the outside society. The number of women who can carry home and office together is also increasing. According to sociologist Dhakal, the mentality that men have to endure the illegitimate pressure is gradually changing.

However, there has not been a complete change in the view of women. Our society is still prejudiced against women who are more divorced. In our society, there is a strong opinion that women are responsible for the decline and deterioration of the household.

In such a case, if a divorce occurs, the female character is blamed in the character without understanding the reality. Dhakal says that divorced women have to bear the accusations of not being able to eat at home and spoiling the house.

Divorce is not a matter of anyone's wish to abandon the emotional relationship, married life, family and the precious moments and sweet dreams associated with it. Still, it is a challenging task to walk the path of divorce without seeing other options.

"After divorce, our society finds it harder to accept women than men," says Dhakal, "Yesterday's society called a divorced woman a witch, today she tags her as a prostitute."

Remarriage after divorce is not a difficult task for men, but women have to face difficulties step by step. Our society imposes many stigmas on women. No attempt is made to understand women's problems. A single woman is either looked at in a wrong way or treated as a strange character.

Sociologist Dhakal says that there are many people who try to make a temporary relationship with wrong intentions when they are single women. For middle and lower middle class women who have children, it becomes very difficult to move forward in life.

It is not very difficult for those who have a strong financial situation to struggle in this society. But the poor should be prepared to bear attacks from various angles from the society. "Women who have a strong family and financial situation should face less abuse and ill-treatment," she says, "Fathers can also resist, but if they are financially weak and have no one to stand by them, there are more people who weaken them and look down on them."

Dhakal says that there are statistics that single women have to suffer more from wrong messages and phone abuse in the case of cyber crime.

Divorced women in Nepali society tend to become a topic of discussion from social media to social dialogue. "Our female celebrities who get divorced tend to make more news and they get negative reactions," says Dhakal.

Psychologist and advocate Thapa's understanding is no different. Thapa says that women who are not in a relationship can get offers for any relationship. "A man who hesitates to have a husband or a lover gets close to a single woman on various pretexts with selfishness," she said, "There are many men who approach for sexual relations but are not ready for marriage."

Women who are ready to leave with mature thinking become more mature because of the struggle that follows. According to Thapa, although they can be used by men in solitary situations, they do not tolerate abuse. Now they can speak for themselves and against injustice.

Due to political-social changes, the illusory notion that life ends after divorce has also started to change. Remarriage has become easier, and the understanding that relationships should end in marriage after love and sex has also changed.

Sexual desire is no exception

According to Thapa, it is natural for anyone to have sexual desire. And this also applies to women with divorce papers. But she says that when they try to fulfill their sexual desire, they have to face many accusations and harassment.

So having sex is not characterless. It is not a wrong thing for a woman who is divorced to get close to a man in order to overcome loneliness and express her feelings, but it turns out to be wrong in the view of our society. "But if we look at the case of men, the society makes a single man an object of pity, and on the contrary, it searches for a suitable bride for them," she said.

In our society, girls and women are directly and indirectly kept under round the clock surveillance. What is the company like, what do you eat, what do you wear, where do you go, what time do you come home? After marriage, it is understood whether you can eat at home or not, what is the dialect and whether it is cultural or not.

For us, marriage is also understood as an investment. When trying to get a divorce, everyone suggests to get married as much as possible to avoid breaking up the marriage that was completed at the expense of millions. A woman's experience does not become a matter of anyone's interest. The mentality that 'women should endure' is created.

Even after the resignation letter, it is seen who he talks to and laughs with Many insults are applied.

Advocate Thapa has seen many such cases, where women have made a lot of progress after getting the support of their husbands after divorce. But with the lack of support and social attacks, the despair and loneliness that develops leads to the feeling that 'life is over'. As a result, loneliness, depression, feeling weak and even dying are seen as a problem.

Thapa said, "I have seen many cases of problems such as anxiety, mental and physical weakness, and lack of self-confidence in such situations."

Searching for an easy life

Some divorce in search of easy and happy life in search of freedom from difficult life. But in our society, it is difficult to imagine that we can return to a happy life after divorce. Despite all the odds, the end of an unhealthy relationship can be the beginning of a new chapter in life.

It is a human right to want to forget the past. But our society dries up old references on the path of people who have started a new journey. But it is possible to leave it and start a new life. According to Dhakal, a person should be strong for that, which is the primary condition.

According to Thapa, a psychologist and advocate, there are more positive changes in women after divorce. The freedom, rights and then the opportunity to become financially strong are the positive aspects. She has seen many women who have lived as free as birds after divorce.

It can also be seen that they took divorce as an achievement. There are many examples of capacity building, progressing incomplete studies and becoming more mature and capable in life," she says.

According to Thapa, women who have reached the point of divorce have already been empowered. "Physically, mentally, emotionally, married women are more mature than unmarried women. They are brave enough to solve any problem," Thapa adds, "Divorced women are more mature and brave, they are less abused than unmarried women. They are able to understand the signs of a person's behavior. He believes that they will develop the ability to fight against social and mental torture and overcome adversity.

With increasing empowerment and capacity building, women are also becoming stronger economically, socially and politically. Women who understand their rights and duties are socially aware. They have started to understand that tolerating violence is also a crime.

They are not ready to bear unnecessary pressure, violence and family discord from their husbands at home. Therefore, he concluded that the number of people who leave in Nepal is also increasing recently.

Also, the illusory notion that life ends after divorce has also started to change due to political-social changes. Remarriage has become easier, and the understanding that relationships should end in marriage after love and sex has also changed. In this background, the number of people starting a new life with a leave letter is increasing.